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Friday, May 21, 2004
Well, I just spent 15 minutes of my lunch hour attending what was probably the most pointless public gathering since last summer's flashmob fad. Yes, I watched Red Sox outfielder Johnny 'Unfrozen Jesus' Damon get shaved.
For those outside of New England, or those who ignore sports madness, a brief recap: Johnny showed up for spring training this year with a flowing mane of hair and a grizzly beast attached to his formerly smooth face. It got a lot of media attention, the nicknames started flying, fake-beard wearing disciples started showing up at games. So he decided to put all the media attention to good use and raise some money for charity. But how to convert a clean shave into charitable cash? Enter Boston-based Gillette, who offered to donate a hefty sum to some learn-to-read programs if they could pimp their new razor in a 'public shaving ceremony' (which, it occurs to me, is just one letter away from the far more frightening 'pubic shaving ceremony'). Ends up this little production was today, a block from where I work, and during my lunch break. How could I not check it out, if just for the pure absurdity of it all? Granted... if it was more than a couple blocks away, I mighta skipped it. I mean, I love the Red Sox, but I don't love the Red Sox, if you know what I'm sayin'.  As my co-worker Betsy and I neared the crowd, there he was... up on the big-screen. Damon's lather-covered face for all to see. So funny. In the middle of the masses, under a logo-covered tarp, a Gillette girl was going to work on him, stroke after stroke, smooth skin appearing row by row. NESN's Tom Carron was the MC, and his favorite phrase of the day was clearly "You just can't make this stuff up!". No, Tom, you just can't. There were a dozen TV cameras, supposedly even a Japanese crew, and a radio guy doing "play by play". Crazy. Listening to a beard-shaving on the radio could be even more ridiculous than actually attending one. Maybe.  Carron brought two high school-age beard-wearin' Damon disciples up on stage to get a close look at the work. He asked if they were skipping school, and the girl replied "Yeah, I'm missing the MCAS exam." Much of the crowd errupted, applauding her priorities. Some thinking "That's awesome!", others thinking "Hmmm... not so bright", but all thinking "Now, that's a Damon fan, right there". When Carron asked her if there was a make-up exam, she could only reply "I hope so". In the end, after removing her fake beard alongside Damon, she was awarded one of the new Gillette M3Power razors that touched Johnny's face. She was literally glowing.  When Damon's beard was off, the cream wiped away, Carron handed him a mirror. Obviously stunned, Johnny's first words where "Where am I?!". Carron asked "So whaddya think?". To which Damon replied "I think I need to lose some weight!". Keeping the product in mind, Carron followed with "So, do you think you'll keep using the new Gillette M3Power razor?". Johnny, who plans on growing back his beard as soon as possible, answered: "Yeah, definitely, but not to shave the beard... maybe to shave my chest?" The crowd, especially the female contingent, loved that one.  "So, Brad, what did you do for lunch today?" "Oh, nuthin'. Just watched a guy get shaved."  |
 neil halstead live in cambridge, ma on november 14th, 2008 previously: joy formidable - boston 2011 recent posts on the 'nac... on the nightstand boston-area music bloggers
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